The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize