remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
