I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
