i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
