Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
