They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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