He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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