Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
