Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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