question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize