I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
