"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
