I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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