Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He felt like a one man threesome
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
