It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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