Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
