Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
