Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
