Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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