I want to make a zoo with you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so let's talk penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
