Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize