I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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