ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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