weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
