I wish I only lived at night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
