Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
