So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
