grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
