she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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