I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
