Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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