just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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