Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
