Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
