I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
