1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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