Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
