Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
