Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
