i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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