do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
