she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
