i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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