No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
