I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
