Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
