btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
