it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
