I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
