I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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