My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
