remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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