sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your penis caused this!
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