My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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