If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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