it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
