new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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