i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
