I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize