Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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