whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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