Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize