im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
