Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
