Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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