Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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