WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ketchup is God's man juice
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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