My first STD was from a foam party
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
