No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex on a roof
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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