why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize